Just two empty hands and the will to rock

If there were ever to be a Trailer Trash Olympics surely Air Guitar would be the main event. It is something that mulleted youth have been bred to do since they caught their very first riff of Nugent. The formula is simple. No tennis rackets or broomsticks necessary. Just a man with two hands, the desire to rock, and a distinct inability to play a tangible musical instrument.

Though it is sure to be a while before the South rises enough to bring Air Guitaring to the Olympic attending masses, that hasn’t stopped a motley crew of die hard head bangers from wielding their imaginary axes in front of an international audience. I know because I have witnessed it first hand.

Last Friday I attended the regional finals of the US Air Guitar Championships at The Independent in San Francisco.  Eighteen hopefuls gathered for the first of a two night event that would send its winners to the national championships in DC later this year and eventually on to Finland to compete against the greatest faux-rockers on the planet.

It is really hard to explain just how much these contestants put into their acts. One might think that rockin’-out sans instrument is a joke but in truth there is an element of danger involved. Last year the national winner broke a finger during his routine and one rocker chick limped onto stage for her performance due to having one of her toes amputated after a previous air guitar accident.  To my knowledge, there were no spectacular injuries to any of the participants this year but the audience was forever scarred when Dirty Airy stepped onto stage Chili Peppers style sporting just a sock. Caution: Video kinda NSFW.

The surprise performance of the night came from newcomer Tony Dilemma who busted out some amazing moves during an impromptu routine in the second round of the competition. The judges forced the 5 finalists to rock out to Michael Jackson’s Beat It unrehearsed.  Dilemma not only nailed MJ’s moves but also had the forethought to scrawl an epitaph to the icon on his chest prior to the show.

In the end, however, it was fan favorite Awesome that took the top slot. This beast looked more like a muppet than a man, his face completely obscured by his natural afro and mountain man beard.

Awesome saw no equal when it came to bringing down the house. He appeared to be the living embodiment of the trailer park. A white trash paladin that could carry on his bear-like shoulders the aspirations of all red necks.  We wish you luck in the nationals Mr. Awesome. And may Finland eventually cower before your empty hands as they adeptly imitate the melodious strains of another man’s music.

1st and 3rd place winners Awesome and Tony Dilemma

Sponsor Boone's Farm classed up the place

Links:

Official Air Guitar Championship Site

Hard Rock Chick’s Coverage Of The Event

The Independent in San Francisco