No, I didn't doctor this up in Photoshop... I can't decide which is classier...the sign pleading for more dancers or the Camaro with the homemade hood scoop... The Paradise Club The Shack A sturdy foundation! Yes, you have to go outside to open the windows. "The Jar Tree"

You may recall reading a little about Gary, whose ex-wife Tonia was recently arrested in a prostitution/drug bust at a little redneck strip joint called The Paradise Club. Well, I’d like to back up a few years (when Tonia’s infidelity was more of a hobby than a business) and tell the tale of the tool shed/club house that Gary’s estranged stepfather “Bud” built for himself. It seems that Bud needed a way to periodically escape from Gary’s overbearing mother, without having to hop in the ’78 Chevy pickup and drive around with 13 beers on his breath. While the justification for building the shed was sound, the execution of project was anything but.

It had been a long time since anyone had seen Gary, but I wanted to get in touch with him while Jonathan was here from San Francisco so that we could photograph and document one of the finest examples of redneck architecture in the south. We needed to document this thing, because we had been telling people about this shack for years…and frankly I’m sure that everyone thought we were exaggerating.

Like some poor man’s National Geographic crew, we headed down Highway 87 in Graham, North Carolina towards our date with Redneck Americana. I noticed something along the way that nearly caused me to lock the brakes up. So I stopped the car at the 87 South Mobile Home Courts, where it seemed that the denizens of the trailer park had taken a few artistic liberties with the road sign.

Another unscheduled stop was made at The Paradise Club, which is a crude cinderblock oasis of depravity in the middle of a gravel parking lot desert. This “adult entertainment” establishment has a long been associated with acts of violence (murder) and a general lack of dental hygiene (missing teeth). I couldn’t resist the allure of taking a photo of the sign begging for dancers…and little did we know that Gary’s wife Tonia had not been able to resist the sign either.

Before we could see Bud’s masterpiece, we had to stop and pick up our tour guide…Gary (whose trailer was about half of a mile away from Bud’s dwelling.) When we stepped inside Gary’s trailer, I couldn’t help but notice the K-mart car stereo that was installed in the wall. I desperately wanted to take a picture of this innovative home theater system (especially since its mounting was slightly askew), but I couldn’t get away with it without being seen by Gary and/or the unknown cohabitants of his trailer.

After a few awkward minutes at Gary’s, we finally made our way down the dirt road to Bud’s shack. It had been several years since I had gazed upon Bud’s creation, and to my delight, it was still standing. The first thing you’ll notice from the photos is that the exterior is haphazardly covered in tree bark. This was done in order to give the impression that the structure is a log cabin. Now if you ever built Lincoln Log cabins as a kid, you’ll recall that the wall logs run horizontally. This lesson was lost on Bud.

We were directed to pay close attention to the cinderblock foundation. Evidently, there was no need for mortar! It would be entirely possible to kick the foundation at any point, and bring this thing down. If you look at the back right foundation “pillar”, you’ll notice some sort of shim placed between the floor of the shed and the cinderblocks. This was done in order to level the floor. You might ask…“How did that get there”? Answer: The whole structure was lifted up and someone slid broken bricks in the gap.

Gary was grinning ear to ear when he pointed out the window installation. He applauded the effort that it took to put real windows in the shack, but he could barely contain his laughter when he told us that if you wanted to raise the windows (or lock them), you’d need to go outside to do so. Yes…the windows were installed backwards.

I am still kicking myself for not taking a photo of the front door. I don’t know how I forgot, because the door itself was the crowning achievement of the whole project, and a testament to Bud’s redneck ingenuity. You see, when Bud constructed the frame of the structure, he did so without planning for the door. He literally put up four particle board walls and realized that there was no way for him to enter his vacation home (which is 300 feet from his real house). He was able to get around this minor snafu by sawing into the wall until something resembling a rhombus was cut out.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the work of art beside Bud’s shanty. Gary’s mother decided that it would be a good idea to plant a dead tree in the yard and place Mason jars on the sawed off limbs. I don’t know what to say about “The Jar Tree”, except that I feel that its aura combines with Bud’s shack to create a wonderful White Trash synergy…a degree of redneckness that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Tags: Bud, Gary, Jar Tree, Paradise Club, redneck, Redneck Americana, Tonia Pennington, White Trash