You can dress 'em up...actually, no you can't

Traveling four hours to a wedding in Pennsylvania was a little inconveniant. Especially since I didn’t know either party getting hitched. I went with my boyfriend who had painted houses with the groom when he was in college. As we crossed the Mason Dixon Line, I had a sinking feeling that I was going to be out of my element. I wish that I could say that it was a lovely wedding. The ceremony itself was fairly normal until the best man busted out in the middle of the ceremony with “Love Bites” on his electric guitar.  Did I mention that the groom was released from prison two weeks before the ceremony? I’ve no idea what he did to get in jail, but that wasn’t relevant on his day of wedded bliss.

We were actually the fourth and fifth people to arrive at the local V.F.W. where the reception was being held. We were led to the basement by an elderly woman who told us that normally receptions were held upstairs, but it was Bingo night and they didn’t want to upset the regulars. We sat down at a table and watched people frantically set up the food table. Suddenly, a middle-aged man in a navy blue satin jacket came racing in carrying a styrofoam cooler. Skeeter (and yes, that was his actual name) had ridden his bike over to Hardee’s to pick up the food for the gathering. I know that it came from Hardee’s because the cooler broke into pieces in front of me and fried chicken came flying out of the bags and landed at my feet.

Skeeter looked up at me and said, “Cooler broke. Chicken on the floor.” Wow, gotta hand it to Skeeter, he was on top of things! Well what was he to do? What any other person in his situation would do naturally. Pick the chicken up and shove it onto the table before anyone else could see what had happened. But he didn’t put the chicken on a plate or even a platter for serving. Not Skeeter. That wasn’t his style. He placed it on the table with the bits of the cooler and bags. He went back out to his bike to get the biscuits, slaw, and mashed potatoes to round out the meal. I couldn’t help but grimace as I watched the groom’s grandmother stick her fingers into the container of mashed potatoes and then into the gravy and then into her mouth…repeat…two more times.

Some couples dance their first dance as man and wife to traditional songs. “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion comes to mind. As does “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole. But not this couple. Thoreau himself couldn’t be more proud as this couple gave tradition the bird and selected Lynard Skynard’s “That Smell.” I didn’t know quite what they were getting at there, so I decided that it was time to leave. We thanked the couple for a lovely time, wished them well, and headed upstairs through the smoke-filled Bingo room to our car. I certainly hope that Skeeter at least caught the garter. To this day, I can see it hanging off of the handlebars of his bike.