Posts Tagged Jenny Jones Show

He’ll Learn to Love Me (Part 4)

Television can be evil

Television can be evil

When we got back to school on that Friday night we decided to go to a party and tell people what just happened. Naturally, no one believed us. Our other roommate knew that we went and her response was that “the show will never air.” We taped the show in April and waited impatiently for it to air. Finally, after calling the show on a weekly basis, we had a day in May that it would happen. I was a little bummed because I wanted it to air when I was in school just to see people’s reactions, but school was out for the summer.

The show aired and I watched it with some friends back home. My mom told me that she didn’t think that it was fake after she saw it. I assured her that it was. I had an ex-boyfriend call me and tell me that he had just seen me on t.v. and I was on every television set in Circuit City. People kept calling throughout the day and, to be honest, I was glad when things settled down a bit.

Fall arrived and we all headed back to school. While I was moving my things into my apartment, two guys who were moving in down the hall stopped me and said, “Were you on Jenny Jones?” I told them that I was and then had to explain to them that it was all a joke. I don’t know whether they believed me or not. Our friends who had seen the show stopped by to talk about it and congratulated us on a job well done. The first day of classes arrived sooner than we wanted and Sara and I headed to our English class. The professor walked in and began checking the roll. When he got to me he looked at me quizzically, paused and then went on to the next name…which happened to be Sara’s. He put the roster down and said, “You two were on the Jenny Jones Show a few months ago!” We told the story again.

The semester progressed as usual, but we were still being recognized almost everywhere that we went. While walking across the quad one afternoon, a girl stopped me and asked if I had ever been on the Jenny Jones show. When I told her yes, I started explaining to her the entire story. After I was finished, she looked at me and remarked, “You’re just telling me that now so that I won’t think that you’re a bitch. I think you are!” and with that, she walked away. Sara and I were eating lunch one day off-campus and these three female basketball players kept looking at us and whispering. One of them asked, “Were you guys…” and before she could finish I blurted out, “on Jenny Jones? Yes.” As much as I thought that I would enjoy this attention, it really was becoming aggravating. I was so sick of the story that whenever I’d retell it, I’d leave out a little more each time.

The following summer Sara and I went to Las Vegas to visit her mother. While we were in the bathroom of one of the casinos, a lady walked out of her stall and said, “You two were on that talk show!” then proceeded to tell us our story. How do people remember that?! I wouldn’t recognize someone from a talk show at any time, much less a year after the fact. One of the funniest things that was said was when I was at a party at Ari’s aunt’s house. Everyone had gathered on the deck and she was talking to some friends of hers. She called Ari and me over and said, “Ask them about being on Jenny Craig!” Her guests looked mortified. I’m guessing they thought it was rude to discuss our dramatic weight loss publicly. Ari corrected her and we told the story again.

Overall, the experience was wonderful. We got a free trip out of the deal and were small-time celebs for a moment. Would I do it again? I doubt it. Actually a producer from the show called me several months after it had aired and asked if I’d be willing to come back on the show. I told her that things had worked themselves out: Ari and I had split up (over the money from the show, sadly) and Sara and I were sharing a room in an apartment. There were no fights at all and we were living happily ever after. “Well, could you come on and say that you and Sara have something going on with one another now?” Are you kidding me?! I politely declined, hung up the phone, and turned on the t.v. to where it all began.

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He’ll Learn to Love Me (Part 3)

This is how they saw us

This is how they saw us

Catch up with Part 1 and Part 2 first.

“Ladies and gentlemen, before we run out of time, I’d like for you to meet Allie and her roommate Sara. They’re roommates and they live together (um, okay) and they’re fighting over the same man. Allie, tell us your story.”

“Sara started dating Ari and when he first came over to pick her up, we hit it off. I just want her to butt out of our relationship!”

I won’t go into every single thing that was said, but the story involved me stealing Sara’s “date dress,” wearing it out with Ari and “accidentally” spilling spaghetti on it. Then I sat behind them at a movie and I made snide remarks throughout about how he wanted me and not her. Sara and I yelled at each other. Ari, the paid one, was really earning his money by saying very little. He defended me a couple of times from Sara, but the hard part was still to come. The audience.

Jenny opened it up to comments from the audience and it was Allie Jo season. A large woman with a lovely t-shirt that had anchors all over it stood up and said, “Ari hasn’t made a commitment, not to you or to her. So what gives you the right to tell your friend to butt out, baby?” “Because I love him,” was my answer. “Booooooooo!” from the audience. Another girl stood up and said, “I’m here with my roommate and I would never do anything like that to her. I mean all you’re doing is acting like a little slut!” The audience cheered. WTF?! Ari got pissed off at this point and stood up to tell everyone that I wasn’t a slut (thanks for defending my honor), but they edited that out of the show. I need to point out that this young lady waited for me after the show and came at me like a pitbull. Luckily, the car had its door open so I escaped.

Our story went on, taking twists and turns. All of us were having to think on our feet, but we were hanging in there like champs. I told of a time when I invited Sara to come home with me for Easter just to get her away from him. I also mentioned that she had called Ari and told him that I was sick and couldn’t go out that night. The she came into my room and told me that he had called and something had come up. I was called “a spoiled, selfish brat” by a woman with a nasty perm. Another lady told Sara to move because she had “a real scary roommate.” A lady with one tooth who was actually picking her nose as she stood up to talk, said that it was like Single White Female” and Sara was Bridget Fonda.  I mean, no one was defending me. One person in the audience did, and that was edited out as well. So yeah, I was the villain and there was no turning back. I had my role and I had to run with it. I mean, Sara’s make-up and hair were soft and pretty. I looked like a whore. I really did. Coal black eyeliner around my eyes and streaks of blush up my cheeks. Someone could have added up all of the make-up that I’d worn in my entire life and it wouldn’t have come close to that mess!

During the commercial breaks, Jenny would get people in the audience to ask questions so she’d know who to go to when we went back on-air. A lady brought out some water for us and said, “MMMMMM, and you say you guys are friends.” I was being judged by the water lady?????!!!!  Back on air and time was running out. I had to do it. I’d been planning a line to use (possibly all my life in some situation) and the door was opened by a large woman who was wearing all red. If the audience wanted to hate me. Fine. But I wasn’t going down without upsetting the crowd even more. “He doesn’t love you like that. Why are you willing to throw away your friendship if he doesn’t love you?” The camera zoomed in within inches of my face and I said two words that would send me into bitchdom forever: “He’ll learn.”

You would have thought that I had sacrificed a puppy in front of the crowd. Actually, I think that would have garnered me some support from the folks. The place erupted. Shouts, yells, moans, screams…good lord. I had succeeded. Jenny had to ask again what I had said because even she didn’t believe it. “Did you say ‘We’ll learn’?” she asked as the crowd shushed. “Yeah, he’ll learn. He’ll come around one day!” At this point on the tape, you can see me choking back the laughter. Literally. The corners of my mouth were turning up. I shut my eyes to think of baseball or something and you could see me swallow hard. Ari went on to tell Jenny that I was a lot of fun and we had a great time together because I was outgoing. “Well, she doesn’t look like a lot of fun to me. I mean, she doesn’t look happy.” Thanks Jenny, but you know what? I just got a free trip to Chicago for my boyfriend, my best friend, and all on you. No fun, my ass…

At the conclusion of the show, Jenny told me that I needed help because of my obsession, but didn’t offer any to me. As we piled into the limo to take us back to the airport (after I had warded off Big Mama coming after me with my backpack) I couldn’t help but to laugh, along with Ari and Sara. Even though the story didn’t go off as planned, it still went over well and I was proud that I could mark another goal off of my list. When I arrived back at the airport, I called my mom to tell her that I was back. “How was your trip to Chicago?” she asked sarcastically. Before I could answer, someone was being paged in the airport and she heard it. “Oh my god, you really did it, didn’t you?” she gasped. “I told you that I was,” I replied. I thought it was over, but I hadn’t seen anything yet until the show aired…

Links:

Part 1

Part 2

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He’ll Learn To Love Me (Part 2)

This is what the audience wanted to see.

This is what the audience wanted to see.

Be sure to read Part 1 First

Our flight into Chicago was uneventful. Since we “hated” one another, we weren’t placed beside each other on the plane (the show set that up). Once we got our bags we were greeted by a limo driver holding a sign that read “The Jenny Jones Show.” I could NOT believe that this was going to happen! Our driver took us around the city, showing us points of interest. Finally, he dropped us off at our hotel which was very nice.

We decided to go to dinner together. I mean, what were we supposed to do. The most difficult part in all of this was acting like I hated Sara. There we were in Chicago and we couldn’t even enjoy it (or act like we were). All of us were scared of being outed as phonies so we didn’t talk at all in the street or at dinner. Jenny Jones picked up that tab as well. Once we got back to the hotel, we all went our separate ways since we had an early morning the next day. As I was flipping through the channels, I saw what I thought looked like porn. I flipped back and by golly it was! I quickly called Sara and Ari and asked them both if they had it too. Nope.

The next morning we were greeted by a rep from the show in the hotel’s lobby. We walked a few blocks, being blown by the wind the entire time (no wonder it’s the windy city). When we reached the studio we saw signs for Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones (they both taped in the same place). Hopping on the elevator, I could hardly contain my excitement! The assistant led us to our green rooms. I was shocked when Sara and Ari were put in the same room and I was the outcast.

In my room, there was another girl sitting there. We sat there in silence for a little while and then the small talk ensued. She was from Utah and she was in beauty school with her former friend who, I assumed, was in the other green room. I can’t do the room justice, but I’ll try. We had a very small television that only had one channel and even that had static, there were two warm, flat Cokes, and two stale sandwiches. Whatever. A new lady came in and said that she was there to do our hair and make-up. While she was working on me, she told me that she did make-up for Playboy and “those girls don’t look anything like that in real life.” While I was getting gussied up for my debut, assistants kept running in and out, asking us questions about our stories and then telling us that the other girls were saying terrible things about us. This went on for an hour. When both of us were ready, we were sitting on the couch waiting to be called onstage. The door opened and Jenny herself was standing there. I was soooo excited!!!! “So you’re the other women,” she said coolly. Ouch. She asked us some questions and, I’ve held my tongue long enough, she was a bitch. At least to us.

By the time we were standing backstage Sara and I were actually pissed off at one another. We had NEVER had a fight and I was furious with her for being so nasty about me and vice-versa. The audience erupted in cheers and we walked out on stage. The first love triangle went first and told their story for a half an hour. Audience members booed and clapped and were really going after the guy. Whew! I was safe. The original plan was for us to fight and then realize the error of our ways and leave as one big happy family. We were sitting on stage the entire time so it was a little uncomfortable sitting in front of everyone and not talking. Finally it was our turn.

Next time: Batter Up!

Links:

He’ll Learn To Love Me: Part 1

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He’ll Learn to Love Me (Part 1)

Could you lie to this woman?

Could you lie to this woman?

“Allie, when you get off drugs and come down offa your high, you can call me back and talk sensibly to me. Until then, I don’t want to hear from you!” And on that note, my mother slammed down the phone. Wow! I didn’t expect that. All I was doing was calling her to tell her that I was about to board a plane for Chicago to be on the Jenny Jones Show. Now when I say I was going to be “on” the Jenny Jones Show, I mean just that. None of this “I’m-gonna-sit-in-the-audience-and-be-on-t.v.” nonsense. That’s not my style. When I go, I go big.

It started as a prank. I love practical jokes more than anything else. It was a warm day in April 1993 and I was watching television with my roommate, Sara. While flipping through the channels I stopped just in time to hear the announcer say, “If you’re two friends fighting over the same man, give us a call. You could be a guest on our show.” Before I actually thought about what I was doing, I had the phone in my hand dialing the 800 number. I knew that I’d only be able to leave a brief message on the show’s voicemail, but it was worth a shot.

“Thanks for calling the Jenny Jones Show. What’s your story?” the female voice chirped. It wasn’t a recording. Adrenaline kicked in and I started rambling about how my roommate had been dating this guy and I’d stop at nothing to have him. I had seen enough of Basic Instinct, Single White Female, and Fatal Attraction to concoct an amazing story. “Well, I’ll pass this along to the producers and we might call you back if they’re interested.” I walked back into the common area, a little dejected. “I tried,” I told Sara. She went to work and I headed out to class.
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